Cried-Clear Eyes

Well I would love to open my voice and scream
But it’s one thing after another, after another
I believe this world is in some subtle way trying to smother the life out of me
Smother and cough my color away
Red and love mix with blood, orange and life cry themselves dry
Violet mystery is exposed to misery, blue and peace give way to grief
Green and reality fight in futility, and yellow innocence dies from silence
Why must all my colors show such suffering?
Black and white are classic, but blend them together and you get gray
Fatigue and grief are fine muses, but mix them together and you find a grave
Tossed among half-written poems, drawings never shaded in
You find yourself, I find myself and never want to again
I promise myself, I swear to you that tomorrow I will be
stronger
better
smarter
happier
kinder
bolder
taller
wiser
lovelier
and the longer it takes, the more I promise
and the more I promise, the more I break
Oh, God, please save me from this bitter loathing, this irrational self-hate
One more day of cried-clear vision, one more day of weakness like rusted steel
I smile, I dream my thoughts away, if only to feel a little contentment
A little happiness in what I tell myself is real